Funny Christmas Card Messages

Funny Christmas Card MessagesBefore sending your Christmas card greetings, why not add a little special touch and send some festive cheer with one of our gorgeous Christmas bouquets or spoil someone rotten with a luxury Christmas hamper?

Funny Christmas Card Messages

  1. They say that Christmas is just around the corner. How can it be when the world is round?
  2. Anybody know where can I buy love? They told me that it is the best thing to give this Christmas.
  3. I think Santa’s wish for this Christmas should be to lose weight.
  4. Rudolph has a red nose because he is drunk.
  5. I think Santa should hire giants instead of elves so that he can have a faster production of gifts.
  6. Before, children are the carolers. Nowadays, I wonder why streets are field with adult carolers.
  7. Mother gives coins to children carolers, and gives bills to adult ones. Why is that so? Isn’t it Christmas is for children?
  8. I am so excited to wear my new dress today just to see that my Godparents were out of their house.
  9. I think Santa must ride a plane instead of sleigh so that he can reach me faster. I oftentimes fell asleep waiting for him.
  10. Is Santa so busy that he cannot find time to groom himself? I think he needs to shave his beard.
  11. People went to midnight mass not to hear mass, but to let their seatmates hear their snores.
  12. I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU, But I really would love a new credit card as well!
  13. Since I brought the presents, I’ve asked Santa to bring you love and happiness!
  14. Hold peace, love and hope in your heart always And Christmas will bring you what you wish for.
  15. I know your family is dysfunctional. Still, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
  16. If you look for me at Christmas, Don’t forget to check the local bar!
  17. All I want for Christmas is for you to have a Merry Christmas!
  18. The elves are working overtime to prepare presents for you. You’ve been extra nice this year.
  19. Christmas only comes once a year, and that’s what we are all most thankful for at Thanksgiving. Merry Christmas!
  20. I don’t understand why people like to say “Mary Christmas.” Isn’t it Jesus’ birthday? We should say, “Jesus Christmas.”
  21. Are Christmas trees green? I mean, are they environmentally friendly like a Hybrid?
  22. The main thing Jesus and Santa have in common is that they both look good in a beard.
  23. The best thing we all teach our kids about Christmas is honesty. “Sure… there’s a real Santa Clause.”
  24. They keep raising the age requirement to qualify for social security, so Santa won’t retire.
  25. Everyone knows the most important part of the Christmas celebration is spending time with family you don’t get to see very often. Then you have an excuse to neglect them the rest of the year.
  26. The day you learn that Santa isn’t real is the day you question if that Jesus guy is real.
  27. Let’s compare Jesus and Santa. They both know when you’re bad or good. They both give you stuff. They are both nice. They can both do miracles. The are both real… o.k. at least one is real.
  28. I found your Christmas card message on the internet, because I am not creative enough and I don’t care about you enough to actually write your Christmas card message.

Funny Christmas Quotes for Cards

  1. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. ~ Victor Borge
  2. There has been only one Christmas, the rest are anniversaries. ~ W. J. Cameron
  3. Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. ~ Dennis Miller
  4. Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home. ~ Carol Nelson
  5. I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up, they have no holidays. ~ Henry Youngman
  6. Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love! ~ Hamilton Wright Mabie
  7. The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. ~ Johnny Carson
  8. He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree. ~ Sunshine Magazine
  9. Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. ~ Larry Wilde
  10. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. ~ Shirley Temple
  11. That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. ~ Jerry Seinfeld
  12. People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks? ~ Anonymous
  13. Anyone, who believes that men are the equal of women, has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. ~ Anonymous
  14. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. ~ Bernard Manning
  15. Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. ~ Richard Lamm
  16. Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? ~ Arlo Guthrie
  17. Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. ~ Phyllis Diller
  18. Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money? ~ Tom Armstrong
  19. Christmas is the Disneyfication of Christianity ~ Don Cupitt
  20. Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ~ Mary Ellen Chase
  21. You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger. ~ Robert Paul
  22. Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it weren’t for Christmas, We’d all be Jewish. ~ Benny Hill
  23. Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet. ~ Anonymous
  24. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic. ~ Anonymous
  25. Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money. ~ Anonymous
  26. Christmas is for children. But it is for grownups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts. ~ Lenora Weber
  27. There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. ~ Bob Phillips
  28. Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ~ Johnny Carson
  29. I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month. ~ Harlan Miller
  30. A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. ~ Garrison Keillor
  31. The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. ~ Joan Rivers
  32. Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. ~ Kin Hubbard
  33. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. ~ Anonymous
  34. From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist, it would be necessary to invent it. ~ Katharine Whitehorn
  35. Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music. ~ Tom Sims
  36. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin. ~ Jay Leno
  37. Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven. ~ W. C. Fields
  38. Dear Lord, I’ve been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us… a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird… a social being… capable of actual affection… nuzzling its young with almost human – like compassion. Anyway, it’s dead and we’re gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family… ~ Berke Breathed
Sources: buzzle.com and bestcardmessages.com

Author: Lily Calyx

Flower expert, gardening enthusiast and creative mind behind our blog.

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